Day 1

It's the first of October, and I'm greeting this most glorious of mornings WITHOUT COFFEE.

What have I done?!?!?!

Can I just go back to bed and sleep through this day? If only. And of course, I'm the idiot that said, "I think I'll try this for a whole month!"

Yep. Idiot.

So, what's happening, you ask? Why this insanity? Is someone forcing you to do this?!? Davey's so mean!

Oh no. I signed on voluntarily.

That's right. I did this to myself.

I know, honey. I KNOW. But there it is. I signed up for a bible study on fasting from excess (a book called 7 by Jen Hatmaker, you may have heard of it?) and I even knew ahead of time what I was getting in to. So who's the crazy person? Yep. That'd be me.

The thing is, I'm really excited about this study. No, I mean it. Really. Broke as this family is right now, we are still richer than 95% of the world. That right there, THAT is crazy. Because I still lament all the things I want and can't have. Because I want the luxury of being able to go buy whatever I want, whenever I want, just because I want it. To be fair, I do want some practical things. Cold water that actually works would be nice. And one of the reasons we don't have the cold water in our home fixed is because we have spent our money on other things. I have a downright obsession with self-indulgence. Eating out, shopping, junk food, things I don't really need, but just want. Temporary splurges. I don't need any of it.

I have over 700 food items in my kitchen. Right now.

This week I'm supposed to start counting all my clothes. I'm terrified.

This is all wrong. This needs to change. This consumer-driven me me me has got to go.

I want to really hear from God in this. I know we are excessive, indulgent, and wasteful. I want to learn to be a good steward of things. Less bratty, spoiled American.* More Jesus.

SO here I am. October 1st. No coffee. Sweet Jesus, help me!!



*please understand that I write this as an American living well below poverty level in this country. We have 4 kids, for the love! This problem of American consumerism and selfishness is not just for the wealthy. The poorest in our nation are still far richer than most of the world. We have access to food, clean water. We have tvs and smartphones and cars and shoes on our feet. We are surrounded by wealth and luxury. And we THROW AWAY more food and goods than some countries use in a year. We are terrible stewards of what we've been given, and I fear that some day we will be held accountable.